                                          
                                     
                                         
                                        
                                  
                                     
                                           
                                          
                                

                           Beatle, Aka Spoon
                                 Cheese
                                Bocephus
                                Clarence
                                 bLUCK
                               Incognito


           This Thing is dedicated to complete and utter madness




                         Volume Zero Number Zero

        Welcome to SPOON.  As editors we would like to express our extreme
pleasure.  This can be done in many ways but not over a computer line!
For the next while we will be bringing you, our readers, an number of articles
expressing the views of many minorities living inside our heads.  As long as we
have heads this will continue.  Thank you.

                              Beatle
                              Cheese
                             Bocephus
                              bLUCK 
                             Clarence
                             Incognito


Letters From the Editors,




 Ŀ  Ŀ
   Ŀ     Ŀ   Ŀ
                   Ŀ  
    Ŀ                            Ŀ
                                  Ŀ 
   Ŀ ĳ      Ŀ                    
        Ŀ                Ŀ     Ŀ
 ĳ         ڳ   ĳ         Ŀ  
                     ĳ                
                    Ŀ          ĳ    
                  Ŀ            Ŀ  Ŀ   Ŀ  
                            ٳ             
                                Ŀ   Ŀ
                                  ĳ        
                                                    ÿ     
                                                              
                                                          
                                                                       
                                                                       
                                                                  






The following is a conversation over heard by Bocephus and Clarence.


        Right now my cheese is restless, how about you?

My cheese is far from restless, in fact my cheese has reached a state of ZEN.

That's pretty fuckin' nifty alright.  But couldn't that raise the cost of
borscht in Yugoslavia?

Shit no.  Nobody likes my cheese; in fact lately, it seems that nobody wants
my cheese, having trouble with sales.  I'm thinking about changing over to 
sausage, I might make more money & I hear the sex is good.

Ay' but you'll disappoint many a yak, boy.  Next thing you know you'll be
making more money, getting famous, probably bringing pain upon your family
name too, I'd bet.  Just who the hell do you think you are anyways, you know
you were destined to have a dead end job (like cleaning bathrooms at Bates
motel)  You have no right disturbing Karma like this.

Screw Karma, I'm a Roman Catholic.  Besides, why live a life of poverty when
I can live a life of being rich, having endless joy with the female species,
and getting hammered the rest of the time.  My destiny is in my hands.
        P.S. what time is it?

1:25.  Well great.  Just go ahead.  Make money.  Get laid by beautiful women.
See if I care.  What if you catch something, homosexuality, chronic raunchy
fart syndrome (CRFS) or bumpy bum cheeks?  Yeah then who'd be laughing.
Quite frankly it serve you right if your hair was made of chocalate pudding
and your schnauser fell OFF!

Catch homosexuality!  That's impossible, you know why?  Because nobody knows
I'm a lesbian. Heh how if I cut ya a deal, we can go fifty fifty.  You too
can be rich and get laid constantly.  What do yah say?  It'll be just like 
the planet of the nymphomaniacs.

No way lumpy nuts, that's not for me.  I don't butter my bread on that side.




   Ŀ??Ŀ?????Ŀ?Ŀ?Ŀ?Ŀ?Ŀ?Ŀ??????????Ŀ
   ???????Ŀ????????????????????????????????????
   Ĵ???????????????????????????????????
   ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
   ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
                          
                     ۲۲
                 ۲  
                   ۲                     
                    ۲
                      ۲۲
                          


Dear Dr. Lip,
        
        How are you, I am fine. Except for that cat that is living inside of
my head.  I recently discovered it last week at Burger King, it stuck it's 
head out of my mouth and bit my whopper.  I feel that, seeking warmth, it
crawled up my nose one night while I was sleeping.  It has been a general 
nusiance ever since.  Its' constant purring keeps my awake, I've been fired
from my job, it's tail is hanging from my left nostril, and those claws!  I 
don't mind the fact that I've lost my source of income and have to beg on 
on street corners to survive (Incidently it took me three days to save for 
the cost of the stamp for this letter).  But the last straw was when it 
started urinating out of my ear.  Please help me!  I need your advice on my
feline predicament.

                Signed,
                  Catnip Head.

Dear Catnip Head,

        Letting a domestic animal live inside your head!  You inhuman bastard!
That's animal cruelty you know!  I've a good mind to report you to the S.P.C.A.
Unfortunately, these letters are confidential, but I could always call
anonymously.  HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Dear Dr. Lip.

        I am a socially active young man.  Recently I have been urinating
blood.  Is this normal for a man my age?  I'm 18.

                Name with held by request.

Dear Stu Pididiot,

        By the time you read this you should be legally dead.  But for the
sake of our other readers out there who are urinating blood, my advice is to
make funeral plans pronto.

Dear Dr. Lip,

        I have this little problem with sexual fantasies.  I want to have sex
with small furry animals.  I just find them so sexy.  I just wanna huddle and
cuddle with them, they're so cute.  I almost had a squirrel once but the damn
thing got away.  Should I express my feelings to close personal friends who
might not understand?  You see, they won't let me in the petting zoo anymore.
i just can't stand the agony of not having a soft furry friend close to my
genitailia.  Even my cat stays away from me.  She won't even come for catnip.
Please help me.

                Yours truly,
                        Desperatly Seeking Fuzzies.


Dear Desperatly Seeking Fuzzies,

	You're not the first person to have trouble fulfilling your beastual
fantasies.  In fact there are many self help group for people in your 
condition.  My suggestions are, to either resort to criminal activity to 
support the pet store costs or if you aren't too picky, there are several
advantages in the use of roadkill (if you don't mind a little necrophilia),
aiding the sanitary condition of the streets is one.  And then there's the
whole other option of using cooked domestic pets prepared by authentic asian-
style resturants, for more information on this subject write to Lupo's Kitchen
C/O Purple Peace Online.




ۻ  ۻ ۻ ۻ ۻ   ۻ ۻ ۻ ۻ ۻ  ۻ
ͼ ͼ ۺ ͼ ۻ  ۺ ͼ ۺ ͼ ۺ ͼ
ۻ ۺ      ۺ ۻ   ۻ ۺ    ۺ    ۺ ۻ   ۺ ۺ
ۺ ۺ      ۺ ͼ   ۺۻۺ    ۺ    ۺ ͼ   ۺ ۺ
ۺ ۻ ۺ ۻ ۺ ۺ    ۺ    ۺ ۺ      ۺ ۻ
ͼ  ͼ ͼ ͼ ͼ  ͼ    ͼ    ͼ ͼ      ͼ  ͼ
     Ŀ    Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ ķ   Ŀ Ŀ
           Ĵ                                  
                                  
                                                          
                                                  
 Weird and strange articles that have no redeeming values but sound scientific
                    
                            
                            
                     


                             
                                                     
                                    
                                                     
                                           


        Dark.  What is it and how can you get it?  Well the answer is quite
simple, you can't get it.  As for what it is, well that's a whole different
story on it's own.
        Dark in it's true natural form, is merely the absence of light, 
much like the absence of nothing is something.  When exploring this strange
phenomenom of nature called "dark" I found that many people seem to associate
it with some fear of evil or the supernatural.  I myself associate it with 
Captian Crunch cereal or really bad episodes of the brady bunch.  Anyhow,
my question is why?  Why do people associate dark with fear or evil or 
Captian Crunch or really bad Brady Bunch or big red hairy muppet like creatures
like many of my friends seem to?  Why is there such fear?  After all dark is
only Earth in one of her (I say her not because I am sexist or trying to 
appeal to a feminist audience but because I believe our whole Universe was 
created with the anatomy of the female body in mind.  Maybe I'll do an article
on that sometime.) natural forms.  Is there some deep metaphorical or 
metaphysical meaning here?  Are we saying that as a society, during daylight
hours we have no fears what so ever, as soon as dark rolls around all our
fears come out of their twelve hour hibernation?  If so, what are those fears?
I myself mentioned earlier that I fear Captain Crunch cereal and really bad
episodes of Brady Bunch but what does everybody else fear? (please write to 
let me know.)  Does anybody else fear bad Jeff Fayhey movies or Mr. Fishers
Teapot or whats in Daredevils trousers on a cold rainy day or do you fear
that one day we may all spontaneously combust or be eaten alive by a giant
carniverous tricycle?  Why has dark been associated with such fears?
Will we ever know the truth?  Probably not, but only because if we did
we wouldn't be able to say yes when someone asks,
        "Are you afraid of the Dark?"

                                Clarence Revial, Spoon Head
                                                 Earth.
Next Issue Dark Part II.  The Amazing Dark Suckers.



Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ  Ŀ Ŀ  Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ  Ŀ ķ 
               Ĵ  Ŀ            Ĵ               
                                   
  Procrastination is an on going Problem.  This column is dedicated to     
  solving this problem and to discuss what we can do in the mean time.    


  
  
























  
                       
                                                    
                                      
                                                    
                      


Personals:

        SWM-46 Overweight unemployed alcoholic looking for miss right.  Wants
       to start relationship with anyone related to a beer company exec. or
       owning a fishing boat.  Send picture of boat.

        SWM-28 Likes swimming, hiking and many other outdoor activities.
       Seeks young attractive female for companionship and romance.  Must
       have a fetish for men with three testicles.  Send photo.

Services:

        Vasectomies while you wait!
       Medical student willing to perform operations at a fraction of 
       professional costs.  Colon therapy?  No problem!  Lobotomies
       my specialty.  Gene Splicer PO #911

        Small Penis?  Increase your diameter and length instantly!  Send
       S.A.S.E. to Syph Research Lab Industries along with $3.00 S&H cost
       for Magnifying Glass.

        Chinese Sky Writer; Will write any message in chinese in the sky for
       you.  Reasonable prices, under three characters preferable.

        Rubber band liquidation, we are slashing prices on all rubber bands.
       All Rubber bands must go!  Don't wait don't delay!  We have a Sheep
       Too.

Lost & Found:

        Lost : Virginity.  If you have seen my Virginity please call
       555-2123.  Sorry, no description. (will take anyones) Reward.

        Stolen! One Driveway! Missing since August 25!  Can be described as
       long, gray and concrete.  Housetrained.  Can be identified by cute
       heart shaped oil stains.

For Sale:

        Attention collectors!  Have trouble finding currency from the early
       80's?  Will trade $50's $10's $3's and $7 dollar bills.

        What are you, some kind of idiot?  Are you incredibly stupid?  Do
       you have to study to pass a urine test?  Can you get sucked into 
       sending money to a couple of low life con-artists?  For more info 
       send $50 cash (please no cheques or money orders)  We accept all 
       major credit cards.  Bob C. Cock Yellow sock Ave. 
       S.F. USA PO box 007

Sheep:

        Wanted: SWS (single white sheep) Black sheep accepted to.  Must be
       friendly and willing to share small apartment with big harry man $500
       obo per month.  All utilities incl.

        Wanted: Friendly Ewe needed for loving relationship.  Possibly for
       children.  20 acre ranch ready for love nest.

                     
                                     
                                  O    O  
                              ^      
                                     
                                              
                                                 
                                       

THE SIGNIFIGANCE OF RED SMARTIES.
                By                 
                  
                 Bocephus Feces

        Pure milk Chocolate. A sugar coating. A hardened coloured shell. 
Purple.  Pink.  Brown.  Yellow.  Green.  Orange.  Blue.  RED.  They are equal
sized.  Perfectly round, except for a few beat up ones.  Taste?  All the same.
Colour is the only variance among them.  In a society where the existence of 
racial predjudice is frowned upon, we have Smarties.  Mere seconds turn to
minutes.  Minutes to hours.  Hours to days.  Days to weeks, to months to years!
How many television endorsements have you seen in your life?  How many times
has that happy little jingle invaded your living room?  How many time have you 
caught yourself humming it as you eat?  Whistling it while you work?  Singing
it in the rain?  If you have done any of these even once, then congradulations
you've been brainwashed.  You are the pawn of the Scarlet candy Sphere dancing
on the screen of your television!

        A brilliant scheme.  Advertising genius.  it has been said that these
colours stimulate moods.  Brown, yellow and orange are supposed to be warm and
comforting, pink for humility.  Blue for contentment.  Purple for the sexually
depraved, and green makes all a little more amorous.  But Red.  Red is rumored
to bring friendly behavior, charity, won't you be my neighbor.  If this is true
then --> you buy your emotions at the local 7-11!  However I believe it's a 
communist plot to rule the Earth and that each colour represents an ethnic 
group:

        Pink - Caucasians               Orange - East Indian
        Green - Aborijinals             Blue - French
        Brown - Negro                   Purple - Jew
        Yellow - Asian                  Red - Communists

        "When you eat your smarties do you eat the red ones last?"
Do you favor the communist party?  You have eaten the sweets of affliction
and you should fear the convienience of "your friendly neighborhood corner
store"

--Next time Bocephus will discuss "What's with the glasses on the purple 
  ones?"

                   
              
                    
               
                
                       

This issue we deal with the very popular topic of Nose Flossing........

                                NOSE FLOSSING
                                      By
                                    Cheese

        Hello dear friends, I am hear once again to tell you about the new
amazing discoveries in personnal hygiene.  Travelling across my room I have
hunted for new ideas and technologies meant for improving the state of the
human body.  Recently I have had the pleasure of talking to Dr. Johnson
Ampersand Johnson who has solved the problem of crusty nostrils and mucus
filled nasal passages.  This new technique is aptly named, Nose Flossing and
is catching fire around the world.  The best thing about this this this this
this technique is that the only equipment required is your normal string of
cooked spaggetti, preferably longer then one foot.  Dr. Johnson Ampersand
Johnson follows as such:

        Apply one end of the noodle to the nostril.
        Plug the other nostril by depressing the side with finger.
        Inhale quickly through nose!
        Make that pig sound at the rear roof of your mouth,
          (like when getting those internal nose goblins that are so tasty)
        As the end of the noodle draws into the back of your mouth reach with
          your thumb and forefinger and pull it out of your mouth.
        Remember to keep your other hand on the other end of the noodle
          so you don't pull it all the way through the nasal tract.
        Hold both ends, floss rapidly.
        Repeat for other nostril.
         (if you are really adventurous, try both nostrils at once!)
        Discard noodle, or eat, whatever your pleasure.

--Next issue we will explore ear flossing.


ۻ      ۻ      ۻ   ۻ  ۻ ۻ  ۻ ۻ
ۺ      ۺ      ۺ   ۺ ͼ ۺ ɼ ͼ
ۻ  ۺ      ۺ   ۺ ۺ      ɼ  ۻ
ۻ ۺ      ۺ   ۺ ۺ      ۻ  ۺ
ɼ ۻ ɼ ۻ ۺ  ۻ ۺ
ͼ  ͼ  ͼ   ͼ ͼ  ͼ ͼ
         ۻ      ۻ   ۻ ۻ      ۻ      ۻ ۻ  ۻ ۻ ۻ
         ۺ      ۺ   ۺ ۺ      ۺ      ͼ ۺ  ۺ ۺ ͼ
         ۻ  ۺ   ۺ ۺ      ۺ      ۻ ۺ ۺ    ۺ
         ۻ ۺ   ۺ ۺ      ۺ      ۺ ۺ ۺ    ۺ
         ɼ ɼ ۻ ۻ ۺ ۺ  ۺ ۺ    ۺ
         ͼ   ͼ  ͼ ͼ ͼ ͼ  ͼ ͼ    ͼ

bLUCK HERE, AND THIS IS MY BULLSHIT.  yOU KNOW THAT FUCKIN BUCK FIFTY MOVIE?
wELL THOSE SPERMLESS TESTICLES RAISED THE PRICE TO 2 BUCKS!  tHOSE CAPITALIST
PIGS!  hOW DARE THEY!?  2 BUCK MOVIE DOESN'T ROLL OF THE TONGUE QUIET AS NICE
AS BUCK FIFTY DOES.  i HOPE THEY ALL DIE LONELY PAINFUL DEATHS!  2 BUCK!  iT 
SOUNDS.... dIRTY! (mAYBE IT'S OK AFTER ALL?  nAH!)  mAYBE WE'LL CALL IT
bUCK bUCK mOVIE!  fUCK, THAT SUCKS!!  i'LL PROTEST!  nO, i'M NOT A FUCKIN'
PEACE LOVIN' HIPPY!  bUT FUCK i'M PISSED OFF!  tHOSE FESTERING GROINAL WARTS!
tHOSE THROBBING INTESTINAL TUMORS!!  hAVE A NICE DAY!  (yOU FUCKIN' RETARDS!)

bLUCK @#$%!

p.s. i LIKE big pENCILS!



    
      
                             
             Ŀ       
                   
                 Ŀ    Ŀ Ŀ
                \         Ĵ          
            \ Ŀ  Ŀ        Ŀ/           
                                                         
                        Ŀ  Ŀ                 
                                         
                                   
   ===================================================================
   =================---->  S-E-X   I-N   A   P-A-N   <----============
   ===================================================================
   Qty  Measure Prepared  Ingredient                Directions
   ---  ------- -------- ----------------- | -------------------------
   1    Cup              Flour             | Combine flour, butter
   1/2  Cup     Melted   Butter            | and brown Sugar. Pack in
   2    Tbl              Brown Sugar       | 9 x 13 pan. Bake 20 min.
   1    Cup              Icing Sugar       | Mix icing sugar, cream;
   1    8oz pkg          Cream Cheese      | cheese and 1/2 Cool Whip
   2    Sml or 1 Lgr     Cool Whip         | and spread over cooled
   1    Sml pkg Instant  Vanilla Pudding   | base. Mix vanilla and;
   1    Sml pkg Instant  Chocolate Pudding | chocolate pudding with
   2    Cup              Milk              | milk and spread over the
   --------------------------------------- | cheese mixture .
                                           | Top with other 1/2
   I use Lge Puddings and an extra 1/2 cup | Cool Whip.
   of Milk and prefer to mix each & spread | Chill and serve.
   in individual layers.                   |
                                           | 'tis truely
   I also prefer Carmel to Vanilla.        | O-r-g-a-s-m-i-c....!
                                           |
   ===================================================================
         

                    
                         
                      
                    
                       
                         
                                    Ŀ
                                    
                                  
                       
                 
                        
                             
                             
                                  

        Many Physicists and Biologists and others of thier species around the 
world believe that the Universe was created by something called a Big bang.  
This was very nifty for a long time and all the theories fit snug and tight 
until one not so brilliant man realised something.  He realised that in the 
Big bang theory gravity was not accounted for.   You see, all of the universe 
according to the theory, originated out of one small point in space.  Now if 
put all of the Universe into that small point, the density of that point 
would be extremely large.  And the force of gravity coming from this point 
would be so vast, so incredibly huge, so positively immense, that nothing 
could escape its pull.  That is exactly what happened.

        Back in the beginning and even before that, an immensly dense point 
known as Big bang tried to explode outwards.  Of course It didn't work and Big 
bang was said to be incredibly dense for even trying it.  Big bang collasped 
on its self, passed out and woke up with a terribly painful hangover.  He 
tried it again and again and soon grew to like it.  He began to invite his 
friends over and they all did it while listening to music, eating potato chips 
and reciting bad pick up lines to any girls who happened to be about.  This 
constituted what was to be known as the first party.  After a while Big bang's 
friends began saying he had a problem as he did this all week non stop and 
pleaded with him to cut down.  He went into denial and never returned.  
Of course denial is the first sign of an addict.

        Before all that happened, Nothing escaped the pull of Big bangs 
gravitic pull and was free to roam the Universe which hadn't yet been created.
Now the Nothing was a very odd creature.  He had no dimensions you see and 
therefore, physically, did not exist, hence his name.  being that the Universe 
at this point did not physically exist either, they got on quite well with one 
another.  The Nothing was free flying intelligence, A brain of gigantic 
intellect without limitations.  It was he, not Big bang, that ended up 
creating the universe one day.  This is what happened: "Am I bored?" Nothing 
questioned Himself.  Of course he wasn't actually talking seeing that he had 
no mouth.  "Well, yes I am." Nothing replied.  It was either that or the 
emptiness of emptiness that surounded him replying which it couldn't of course 
and so Nothing was force to answer himself.  "I think (which was the only 
thing he could do) that today in all my wisdom I will create."  
"Oh, jolly good idea!" Replied Nothing once again.  
"I'm glad you agree my good nothing, for first trick I will create myself."
The idea of making somethimg out of nothing is not really that hard to 
understand, since the two concepts have a considerable lot in common.  The 
theory that the two are interchangeable quantities is quite a large branch of 
impractible physics studied on slyius four.  The laws of nothing being:  
Since nothing is merely the absence of something it is something in itself. 
It impossible to be doing nothing even if it is the absence of doing something.
One is merely the absence of the other.

Thousands of years ago there lived a poet who worshipped Nothing the great
creator of the universe, these where his words.


                             NOTHING


                If Something turned to Nothing
                  Would Something still exist
                  For in the place of Nothing
                Is the absence of Something missed

                    If I had come from Here
                  And you had come from There
                If our positions were reversed
                   Who would come from Where

                  If There turned to Nothing
                 Would There just cease to be
                   But the absence of There
                  would still be Something to me

                  If I had come from Overyonder
                    But Nothing ate it too
             Would I still have a place called home
                 Or would I live Here with you

                 But if Nothing is the absence
                 Of Everything and Something
                 How can Nothing be Something
                When Something can't be Nothing

                   If I was going Somewhere
                  And you were going Nowhere
                 Could you still be Somewhere
                   By simply going Nowhere

                          I give up


        This of course made absoloutley no sense and eveyone thought he was 
a really bad poet until he died.  

        Nothing had now created himself and he was very pleased with his 
progress.  Floating in space Nothing found it very hard to breath which he 
now had to do since he was a living being.  He quickly created a planet with 
a 17 percent oxygen based atmosphere in which he could breath more easily.  
The surface of this planet was mostly made out of a brown crumbly material 
named earth.  He decided this word would make a suitable name for his new 
planet.  There was no-one around to argue so he left it that way.  He spent 
the next year or so travelling around this planet, touching up some of the 
less beautiful spots. He made great sculptures of rock called mountains and 
great bathtub like things called oceans. While taking a bath in one of these 
huge bathtubs he found them quite dull. He put a huge mass of rock in the sky 
to create waves in the oceans. He also made a recycling system also known as 
the hydro logic cycle. He did a many great things and thought of himself 
greatly for many a great year. In the latter stages of creation he made other 
living things to share his world with. He made lofty trees and green dewy 
plants and beautifully coloured flowers to replenish the 17 percent oxygen 
based atmosphere. He made animals great and small to replenish the 81 percent 
carbon dioxide based atmosphere and made certain types of fungus and bacteria 
to annoy all these animals as well as replenish the stock of dirt on the 
ground from which they came. He ended up with a nicely balanced ecosystem and 
once again felt great for many a great year.  As he looked up to the sky one 
day he noticed that the continually dark roof was beginning to bore him (as 
we know all great minds bore easily.) He made a great light bulb in the sky 
and set the earth revolving around this light bulb at such and such an angle 
and such and such a distance as to obtain a pleasant cycle of light and dark.

        After several decades of creating and recreating his planet, his solar
system, his entire Universe was complete and perfect.  Around the edges of 
this vast spherical space called the Universe was a nothing.  The very absence 
of stuff that Nothing had come from.  Nothing now found that his powers were 
growing smaller and harder to use.  It was an extreme effort to create an 
inert gas or lump of rock.  He was growing old.  
    
        He did not realise this, as age was an alien concept to him, he had 
always been since there had always been the absence of something.  Now that he
had created his beautiful new world the absence of something no longer existed 
and soon, neither would he.  He worked this out in his mind and came up with 
the same hypothesis that I just spelled out.  Nothing and something could not 
exsist within the same Universe.  He had created himself but he was 
essentially Nothing and therefore his own creation had become his own 
destruction.  He did not want to die.  This new world of his offered so much.  
To save himself he would have to leave.  He pondered for many hours and then 
with the last of his strength he made one last creation.  Intelligence.  
Then he was gone.  Back to the realms of nothing.

          
          
          
          
          II DDD   II  OOO  TTTTT  MM   MM   A   NN   NN
          II D  D  II O   O   T    MMM MMM  A A  NNN  NN
          II D   D II O   O   T    MM M MM  AAA  NN N NN
          II D  D  II O   O   T    MM   MM AA AA NN  NNN
          II DDD   II  OOO    T    MM   MM AA AA NN   NN

Idiot Man's seven favorite car tricks to play on your best friend...

                  1.  Pop the hood and re-wire his electrical
                      system.
                  2.  Slip under the car and cut the fan belt..a
                      few minutes after he is going the car will
                      stall.
                  3.  Crazy glue the guy's winshield wipers in
                      place.
                  4.  Paint the car all over with glow-in-the-dark
                      liquid except where the driver can see it
                      e.g. name and phone number and penticles and
                           insults to cop's
                  5.  Place impact explosives on the tires
                  6.  Open the hood and remove or solder into
                      position the hood lock..the hood will not
                      close till he fixes it.
                  7.  Glue small poker chips in place over the
                      lock (not-hard-to-fix damage)















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    all.  Many suitcases look alike.  Contains a substaintial amount of
    non-tobacco ingredients.  Colors may, in time, fade.  We have sent
    the forms which seem to be right for you.  Slippery when wet.  For
    office use only.  Not affiliated with the Australian Red Cross.  Drop
    in any mailbox.  Edited for television.  Keep cool; process promptly.
    Post office will not deliver without postage.  List was current at
    time of printing.  Return to sender, no forwarding order on file,
    unable to forward.  Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental
    or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure
    to perform.  At participating locations only.  Not the Beatles.
    Penalty for private use.  See label for sequence.  Substantial
    penalty for early withdrawal.  Do not write below this line.  Falling
    rock.  Lost ticket pays maximum rate.  Your cancelled check is your
    recipt.  Add toner.  Place stamp here.  Avoid contact with skin.
    Sanitized for your protection.  Be sure each item is properly
    endorsed.  Sign here without admitting guilt.  Slightly higher west
    of Cootamundra.  Employees and their families are not eligible.
    Beware of dog.  Contestants have been briefed on some questions
    before the show.  Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt
    delivery.  You must be present to win.  No passes accepted for this
    engagement.  No purchase necessary.  Processed at location stamped in
    code at top of carton.  Shading within a garment may occur.  Use only
    in well-ventilated area.  Keep away from fire or flame.  Replace with
    same type.  Approved for veterans.  Booths for two or more.  Check
    here if tax deductible.  Some equipment shown is optional.  Price
    does not include taxes.  No Queensland coins.  Not recommended for
    children.  Prerecorded for this time zone.  Reproduction strictly
    prohibited.  No solicitors.  No alcohol, dogs, or horses.  No
    anchovies unless otherwise specified.  Restaurant package, not for
    resale.  List at least two alternate dates.  First pull up, then pull
    down.  Call toll free before digging.  Driver does not carry cash.
    Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for
    identification purposes only.  Record additional transactions on back
    of previous stub.

                 This supersedes all previous notices.

              And last, but not least,.....NO REFUNDS!!!!
                                                
SAUCE00Spoon Issue 0                      Otnoo Ishphoo       Spoon               200102 8ݖ                                    